*Warning, rant against myself ahead*
I am a spender and the financial head of my household. Doesn't that sound like a very bad idea to you? Isn't that rather like the fox guarding the hen house? I suppose its good for me to learn self control but what about the times that doesn't happen because my self control takes a vacation? You know like right after we bought our house?
I should have taken more time to remodel the house (buying the house was fine, fixing it all up within a 4 month span, not so much). I can see that I should have taken my time. Sure, I haven't put us into an impossible situation (or even a difficult one, but that is besides the point), I never do which explains why I never learn my lesson. I can always get us out almost as quickly as I get us in.
My husband is unwilling to say no to me because he worships and adores me (and a small part of him also likes not having to wait). So I need to learn self control. I am the only one willing to say no to myself and even I cave sometimes. And when I cave, boy do I cave. And even if my husband was willing to say no to me, I am extremely persuasive. By the time I am done talking, I can have most people convinced of most anything.
The reason I am a little (or a lot) frustrated with myself is even though all the debt we are accumulating can be paid off in less than a year once DH is fully employed, I still shouldn't have let it accumulate. I should have saved up the money and spent it as I acquired it. For one its less work and two its less stressful.
I caught myself while spending this money looking to my DH to see what he would say but what did I expect from him but to smile and nod. The second I looked for someone to judge my actions, I should have known to pull back. The second I started making excuses, I should have known what I was doing wasn't compatible with my goals. I don't often regret my expenditures but this time, I really do. There was no reason these things couldn't wait. Absolutely none no matter what I say in their defense. No amount of discounts should have led me to spend money that wasn't in hand.
I did well for the first part but the more I spent, the less I paid attention to whether something had to be done at this moment or not. Sure I am not paying interest on the money I borrowed and I probably won't have to with careful planning but that really isn't the point, is it?
I am supposed to be building cash reserves, not spending money. Its almost as if by acknowledging that the main focus of the next 5 years was to work on the house, I decided it all had to be finished as soon as possible.
What the heck was I thinking? I can even look back and see what I did right and where I started to slip. I really think my perfectionism just reared its head and said it was totally unacceptable not to finish up the basics immediately and then my self indulgence kicked in and said, while you are spending all that money, would you pick something up for me as well?
Gah, and now I have to wait to fix stuff until DH is employed. I hate waiting (and yes I respect the irony of how that cuts both ways). Well at least I can minimize the drain in the meantime. But really? Where the heck did my brain go?
I know better (or I should by now)
March 18th, 2009 at 08:52 pm
March 18th, 2009 at 08:56 pm 1237409784
March 18th, 2009 at 09:18 pm 1237411108
I'm the money manager here at my house - but I can usually contain my spending because I have the bigger picture constantly on my mind. Can you have an accountability buddy to help you out - someone you have to "lay it all on the line" with - and not your DH who will let you do what you want?
March 18th, 2009 at 09:41 pm 1237412517
Momcents, I am afraid the buck stops here. I am far too persuasive for anyone to stop me when I get that way. On a positive note, since I am the role model for my friend (who is just learning to control her finances thanks to me, go figure), I did warn her that I went off the deep end and that you should do as I say and not as I do. She actually gets that and will be out of debt shortly after I will (she had a bigger hole to dig out of with a smaller shovel).
I am making progress, I just did some backsliding and I am the type who thinks that I should be perfect from the getgo when in reality I should have expected this slip up. (Well, I did expect it, but that didn't stop it from occurring). The rant just helps me get past that and focus on the future while acknowledging my mistakes.
March 19th, 2009 at 07:00 am 1237446000
March 19th, 2009 at 12:45 pm 1237466725
March 19th, 2009 at 01:40 pm 1237470005
March 19th, 2009 at 07:48 pm 1237492107
Something to work on going forward...
March 19th, 2009 at 09:37 pm 1237498635