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Home > My friend makes me look like a saver

My friend makes me look like a saver

August 17th, 2009 at 01:54 pm

She had made some progress on her debt. She is actually paying on all of it including the zombie debt so that is some progress. However her budget is so tight and forgets so many things that I am not sure how she made as much progress as she did. She is currently confusing cashflow with a budget which means she ignores the credit card purchases she is still making (but she won't do that any more, she only did that because of her break up *sigh*) so she really doesn't know how much she is spending.

She once again committed to a long term payment without thinking things through (yoga this time instead of a car) and we are going to have her move in with us for a couple of months so that she can build enough savings to avoid financial ruin if and when she loses her job.

My big concern is that she doesn't connect the dots in her finances. Even with cashflowing, she still wants to spend every last dime she has. I think it will take multiple sitdowns to help her with this. Course, since she will be living in my basement for a few months, I should have the time...

What's really sad, is that I know that I can be an impulsive big spender too but I have never ever pushed it this close and don't understand how she can be comfortable doing so. I suggested a cushion in her checking to avoid overdrafts in the future and she said that wouldn't work because she would spend it...I mean, how am I supposed to respond to that?

11 Responses to “My friend makes me look like a saver”

  1. scfr Says:
    1250517517

    Ahh ... That's tough. Big picture, long-range planning is not something everyone is good at. Perhaps a little shock therapy? A visit to a nice, more costly retirement community and a visit to a terrible, inexpensive one, followed by the question "which type of place do you want to end up in?"

  2. creditcardfree Says:
    1250517856

    Ugh. I've heard that same line about spending the extra cushion from my dear friend also. They have zero emergency fund. It's just sickening. It seems they don't realize they have to control themselves. Part of it is they don't know and haven't experienced the peace that comes with having that cushion.

  3. mrs. Says:
    1250519467


    My best friend is going to make $80K this year thanks to a well paying part-time summer gig at a hospital. This comment summed up her merry-go-round of financial issues (as long as we've been grown-ups, the lack of money management skills and responsibility has lead to most of her drama): "I don't know how much money I'll have to make to get me out of this situation." I can't even say anything to such a comment.

  4. ceejay74 Says:
    1250522048

    Would she ever consider keeping a spreadsheet for three months out like I do? I always make sure my spreadsheet ends at $20 (my small psychological cushion), so I know every cent in the bank plus every cent coming in for the next three months is allocated--even when I have $3000-$4000 in the checking account. In addition, I have my spreadsheet set up so there's a subtotal beside every addition and deduction. That way I know the theoretical balance if everything gets paid and received on the very day I have listed. I can see that the account gets quite tight after the mortgage hits, so I'm even more cautious about spending my grocery budget during those times.

    If you like I can tell you the formulas I use and stuff--it's basic Excel stuff. I keep it in Google Docs so I can access it from any computer. It forces me to be very hands-on with my budget, which is the best for a formerly disorganized spender (I was much like your friend for many years)!

  5. Caoineag Says:
    1250526300

    Thanks Ceejay but she has an excel spreadsheet of her cashflow. The problem with no cushion is all you have to do is add wrong once. Which incidentally is how she got hit with $200 in overdraft charges this past month, 1 wrong number overdrafted multiple items. I am trying to convince her to simply her method so she can see more accurately where she is at but so far we aren't speaking the same language.

    The main problem is that she doesn't want to examine her past spending (because she prefers to think of it as a one time event) so she doesn't have an accurate concept of bills and spending money. She thinks the allowance she has alloted will cover everything even though it hasn't in the past. This I can actually sympathize with because I used to do it to myself. I think when she goes to move out of my basement and she finds that she doesn't have as much saved as she thought she would, it will probably sink in a bit more.

  6. ceejay74 Says:
    1250527565

    Sigh...OK, thought I'd mention it just in case. Smile I know from personal experience that just having a spreadsheet doesn't ensure success. One of my best friends had a fantastic spreadsheet: It extrapolated out about 8 months of budgeting and showed that if he stuck to his guns, he'd have an $11,000 surplus at the end of that time period!! Well, AS was with him the other day when his partner called to tell him that they were getting overdraft fees on their checking account, so I guess he just drank and otherwise spent (but mostly drank) that $11,000 away in just ten months. That deserves another *sigh*.

  7. dmontngrey Says:
    1250540982

    My mom's behavior is similar - just does NOT get it. Nothing sinks in - NOTHING. If the money is there - SPEND. Even if it's not there - spend. She says she's trying to stay on top of things, but really - you can only accomplish that if you catch the problem BEFORE you go negative. By some miracle, I've shuffled away over $1200 into her savings account. Nowhere near enough, but it's a start. She just wont stop spending. She still has full control over her money, I just "watch" and set up the bills and leave money behind for her to spend. Even with me monitoring everything constantly - she still does NOT get it. I think some people are just like that. *sigh*

  8. Caoineag Says:
    1250544560

    scfr, oh my goodness, we are nowhere near retirement planning. I have gotten her to open up a small IRA but she isn't even sticking in the $50 per month so I imagine it will get completely eaten up with fees. Her response to such a question is that she would prefer to work until she dies (since she could obviously never afford to retire). Only reason she considers it at all is because I pointed out that working until dead doesn't always happen and chronic illness may take her out before hand.

  9. baselle Says:
    1250564973

    caoineag - you are far more patient than I would be in this. I just don't know how I would respond. Clearly most of us here have had a fiscal "come to Jesus" moment where we could imagine ourselves going through the worst. Some people just can't imagine the worst or truly will avoid it.

  10. Cylenchar Says:
    1250601772

    Baselle, Part of the frustration with this is we don't know how to make her realize this. As to her seeing the light, she's already been taken to court by creditors, she's paying on the settlement with them still.

  11. Caoineag Says:
    1250604058

    Baselle, we all have had our pitfalls so I am not incline to judge her, I just wish I could help her see this more clearly. She knows she needs to change things, she just doesn't know how or want to face what she has done in the past.

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